The Stories You Tell Yourself Are Holding You Back

At some point in our lives, we have all been told that we’re not good enough, that we don’t fit in, or that we’re not up to par. And at some point, we internalized that statement and began to believe it. Often, it happens when we’re very young and it embeds and stays with us late into our life. Over time, it can blossom into a nasty belief that we really are all of those negative things that someone said about us. I have personally found that this nasty thorn in my soul has prevented me from getting what I really wanted out of life. Even when I was successful, I felt unfulfilled because of this prickly thorn. I want to give you a tip today on how to combat this that worked for me.

Go back to that original trigger and even maybe some of the other people along the way who said the same thing or corroborated whatever nasty or negative belief that you had about yourself. In order to let go of that pain that has triggered you, you have to switch that hurt into compassion. It’s not easy to do. I slowly went through every painful memory and thought hard about how I could forgive the people and the situation in every memory. Sometimes it’s really hard because the pain that was inflicted on you might have been deliberate. Instead, I tried to reframe the situation instead of being consumed by the pain. I would sympathize with them and think their life must be really tough if they have to spread poison to numb their own pain.

I make it a point to feel compassion towards people who have tried to make me feel scared. They tried to make me feel scared because they were scared. What they were trying to make me be afraid of is actually what they were afraid of. Their baggage isn’t mine – therefore I am able and should forgive them.

Another thing that makes it difficult to forgive or find compassion in these tough situations is the fact that we are not always aware of our triggers until they happen. Sometimes, we don’t notice our pain until it’s sky high and we’ve had a meltdown. It is very important to be aware of yourself and your feelings so you can process things as and when they happen. Where did your trigger originate? Go back as far as you possibly can. There’s lots of little mini triggers along the way, but it usually started somewhere and you have to ask yourself, is there something or someone that I can forgive? Sometimes the person you have to forgive is yourself. That’s also a really important lesson to learn.

Change hurt into compassion. Once you do that, I want you to analyse how different your life has become now that you feel compassion instead of hurt. For me, it was one of the most freeing experiences I have ever gone through. I learned that I had the power to choose whether I want to continue to be triggered by my pain or not.

One of the best things about putting yourself down the path of reticular activation is that you no longer see the patterns of pain so regularly in your life. For those that don’t know, reticular activation works like this. Say you bought a red car – all of a sudden you see far more red cars on the road than you had before. You have a trigger and you are constantly seeing the pattern in your life. The same thing occurs with pain. You can easily snowball into despair if reticular activation occurs with grief triggers.

If you have been hurt in life and you keep getting triggered by it, there is a way for you to let go of the pain that holds you back. I hope you found this helpful. If you want to hop on a call with me to talk about your struggles, I would love to coach you. I wish you all the best and may all the hurtful things that have happened in your life slowly ebb away so that you will never be triggered again.